Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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