you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
