I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
