U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
