i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
