Just fell off a train. Bad.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Operation Purity has been aborted
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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