I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
