You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
