he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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