I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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