so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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