I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
