The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i came on her dog
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
