the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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