you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
