Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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