Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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