just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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