Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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