you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
