I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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