I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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