Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
