My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
