Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
