I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
