i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
