Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
