doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
