Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
