final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
