Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
