It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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