i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
