it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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