We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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