Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
