im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
