why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
