Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
