Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
