omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
