i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
