just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After tacos, we're chasing women.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
