so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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