I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
