its not stalking. its research.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
