OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
