he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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