After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
