Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
