Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
