There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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