who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
